just say what’s on your mind

just say what’s on your mind

Last week I was coaching a client on how to handle a situation that had been troubling her. I’m sharing it with you today because I think this comes up for most of us and how you choose to handle situations like this GREATLY affects your energy. These circumstances are also an opportunity for you to grow great emotional capacity. I’m keeping this example anonymous because it is an on-going conversation.

Rebecca (name changed for privacy) has found herself in a situation where a few members of her women’s group are excluding one member from participating in a holiday event. Rebecca sees the hypocrisy of “playing politics” in a group intended to be a “support” group. Yet she finds herself pulling back and not saying anything to the other women. Rebecca can’t stop thinking about this friend and the group’s unfair treatment of her. Rebecca’s done deep work on herself and is really practiced at bringing awareness to her own thoughts, so she’s frustrated with herself for worrying about what people think and not standing up to these bullies.

Indecision, regret and guilt are weighing Rebecca down – big time!

Here’s what I recommend:

Whenever you find yourself “holding back” and not speaking your truth, you are allowing another’s rigidity to wear on you. You’re taking on that energy.

– Identify what you want to say in one simple sentence.
– Keep unnecessary emotion out of what you need to say.
– Say it directly to the people involved and here’s the key . . .

Say it with an open, soft heart.
Start with  . . . ”Help me understand . . . ” or “I need to speak from my heart . . . ”

When you say what you need to say from a GENUINE place of wanting to connect with others, people WILL accept what you have to say.

Even if they don’t agree, they will receive the information gently and not get mad or retaliate against you. Stating your view in a kind, gentle matter of fact way causes others to drop their guard. They are usually glad someone brought up the elephant in the room. You may even find that their view isn’t as opposing to your view as you thought.

Here’s the catch . . . before you speak up, examine your thoughts to make SURE you DO have good intentions. Be honest with yourself. This can’t be a passive aggressive communication. If there’s even a little bit of you wanting to get even or put someone in their place or teach them a lesson . . . practice softening your heart UNTIIL you can speak your mind from a place of love.

This practice LITERALLY relaxes your brain and cells all over your body. When your cells are relaxed and open, it affects EVERYTHING – even how much nutrition your cells can absorb.

Saying what you mean in the moment is a tool for growing Emotional Capacity.

When you grow your Emotional Capacity you can:

  1. Stay grounded regardless of external circumstances.
    You stop relying on external situations and people for your own happiness.
  2. You can “handle” or take on more in your life which allows a RICHER life experience.

The most successful people are those who can have what they want when they want it in any life circumstance because they have the Emotional Capacity to reach their goals no matter what obstacles arise.They are NEVER a victim or martyr to external influences. Nothing happens TO them. Doesn’t THAT sound great????

This is not just woo woo thinking. When you have Emotional Capacity, you perceive life’s events as neutral. When you don’t have Emotional Capacity, you perceive some of life’s events as stressful or negative. The brain responds to real or perceived stressed exactly the same way . . .

closing down
fight or flight or freeze
producing stress chemicals like cortisol (and elevated cortisol means elevate insulin) and adrenaline

This means a lack of Emotional Capacity can lead to weight gain, illness and most certainly unhappiness.

[Tweet “Saying what you mean is SELF-CARE. Saying it with a soft heart is SELF-LOVE.”]

When you do, you’ll connect with others in the blink of eye and you’ll feel ENERGIZED.

You’ll grow your Emotional Capacity muscle to take on bigger things in life.

Try it…you’ll like it!

Be Healthy . . . Be Happy . . . Be Laughter . . . Be Love

PS. Emotional Capacity is life changing when it comes to enjoying your family during the holidays. If you’d like some support in growing your Emotional Capacity – I can help. I’ve opened up some times on my calendar this week to talk with you about it. CLICK HERE to choose a time.

Leave a reply

* Copy This Password *

* Type Or Paste Password Here *

Site Designed and Managed By Heart and Soul Biz Essentials.