Why It’s Good to be a Bad Mom!

Why It’s Good to be a Bad Mom!

I caught the movie Bad Moms the other night and have to say…it was pretty funny!

This movie has a great message for you even if you’re not a Mom. There’s a lesson here for any human on how to live a healthy, happy life . . .  and care for your brain!

Bad MomsThe movie depicts the pressure Moms today feel about trying to be a good Mom. These characters reflect (maybe exaggerate a little) the race to make your child (and doesn’t your mind really equate your success with your child’s success) successful in the modern environment of “over the top” standardized testing requirements, the incredible amounts of homework even elementary kids are assigned, keeping up with your kids on social media, protecting your child’s health with the “right” nutrition and being a Mom who looks great, works out, has the best home, the best clothes and in general keeps it ALL together.

There’s something that Moms and ALL OF US can learn from neuroscience leadership training that will help you and your family be happier and FEEL BETTER.

Running a successful company, family or life for yourself is heavily rooted in how you lead your brain.

I suspect the writer’s of Bad Moms know that studies in neuroscience show us how a supervisor (or Mom) speaks to their employees directly affects the productivity and success of any business.

In her article “Neurochemistry of Motivation: Being Addicted to Performing Well” for the Huffington Post, Organizational Anthropologist, Judith E. Glaser explains what happens in the brain in the presence of any negative communication. Cortisol is released in the body and

This cortisol bath sends messages to the other parts of the brain – there are actually 5 brains working in concert – and tells them to move into hyper-gear to protect the person from harm. This triggered reaction is not momentary – it is sustained over a half-life of 13 hours or a full life of 26. If the leader continues to irritate, embarrass or outrage the employee during the next period of time, the cortisol and associated chemistry continues its cascade and the person is now not just in a moment of fear but in a prolonged state of fear.”

MY POINT IS NOT for you to be more careful with what you say to your kids and how you say it.
You know that.

MY POINT IS . . . your can shift your happiness when you become more selective about you allow ANYONE to speak to YOU . . .   and that includes how you speak to yourself!

The THOUGHTS you think are the way you speak to yourself and those thoughts can put you into the very same prolonged fear state as having a horrible, slave driving and demeaning boss.These thoughts – whether verbalized to others in a self deprecating way or silently affirmed – break down the very structure of your brain and shut YOU down in many other ways. Your muscles tense and tightened . . . your adrenals become overworked . . . your sleep is interrupted . . . your cells cannot even properly absorb nutrients.

Here’s what the Bad Moms did that was so great:

They stopped listening to the negative messaging . . .

from the tyrant PTA President

from the twenty-something boss

from the manipulative ex husband

from their own mothers

from their own kids

from society

from their own mind

These Moms took a reality check and said to themselves, “I’m doing the best that I can and it’s pretty good!”

Here’s a few more things these Bad Moms did:

* they become transparent and vulnerable about what they can and cannot get done in a day

* they formed a community to support each other

* they involved the kids in the household chores taking some responsibilities off their own shoulders

* they began to voice what they were looking for in their relationships

* they started feeding themselves some pleasure and entertainment and FUN

If you run around trying to be the PERFECT Mom or PERFECT person for too long and especially if you TELL yourself nothing else is acceptable . . . something always gives. Your health, your marriage, your finances . . . your mind.

I have a philosophy about BEING BAD and it’s the reason I teach an exercise called Non Food Menu.

This exercise has helped many people change their habits and stop doing or eating things they know aren’t good for them. Many, many times when I help someone look at their cravings or unhealthy behavior, their thoughts reveal that they eat the ice cream, skip the gym or jump on Facebook (and lose hours of their time) in effort to exert a little control in their otherwise overly dictated life. They do these things rather than tell themselves that they can’t do it all!

You do these things to have a little fun, and relieve some stress and step away from the fear all the negative messaging creates!

My suggestion to you is this:

Make a list of non food things you can do that feel good, make you happy and keep you calm.
List at least 20. These could be things like . . . yoga, reading a book, getting a massage, taking a walk alone or even watching your favorite TV show.
Plan at least ONE of these activities into your day-EVERY day.

DON’T WAIT until you are soooo stressed that you REBEL in order to get a little peace by choosing an unhealthy habit or a healthy option in an inappropriate way (i.e….the Bad Mom who gave her kid Benadryl every Tuesday  night so she could watch The Voice lol!)

Here’s the catch and the ONE SHIFT the Bad Moms had to make:       

You MUST make the mindset shift to know it’s OK to do this for yourself
Tell your mind . . . as many times as it takes . . . that YOU TIME is a way to BE a better Mom or person . . . (because it is).
FILL yourself UP so you have more to give to those you love.

It doesn’t work if you do something fun and then feel GUILTY about it.
It doesn’t work if the whole time you are (to use an example from the movie) out at a bar with girlfriends, your mind is running a tape on what a BAD Mom you are.

Bad Moms weren’t really Bad Moms . . . they were people who took some time for themselves.

That’s a GOOD thing.

I’ll end with this quote from Jessica Ortner . . .

“You can’t hate yourself happy. You can’t criticize yourself thin. You can’t shame yourself wealthy. Real change begins with self-love and self-care.”

You can’t because these thoughts create REAL physical stress in your brain and your body.

I encourage you to play around with being a little bad today! Think of it as the SELF-CARE that it is.

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